Monster pizza beats all comers

By Jim Lundstrom

When it seems there’s a pizza joint on every corner these days, how does an ambitious young man with pizza in his blood make his business stand out from the crowd?

Well, a good start is to make the best pizza you can from a secret family recipe that draws on your Sicilian heritage.

But for the clincher, how about offering the largest pizza in Wisconsin? Yeah, a pizza the size of a manhole cover, a 28-inch, 12-pound monster pie?

And then how about offering $500 to any two people who can eat Polito’s Monster Pizza in an hour?

“A lot of places do a 60-ounce steak or a five-pound burger,” Polito said. “I heard of a place in St. Louis that did a giant pizza challenge.”

The light went on, and last month Polito introduced the Monster Pizza challenge to his seven month-old business at 960 Main Street, Stevens Point.

Since then, 11 teams have accepted the challenge, and 11 teams have failed.

“The closest we had was two guys who left 1½ pounds,” Polito said. “It’s always one guy who gives up first.”

Before you start thinking, “Dude, I could do that,” consider that the crust alone is six solid pounds of dough. Add another six pounds of toppings – tomato sauce, pepperoni, spicy Italian sausage and cheese.

“It’s hard to toss six pounds of dough. It pulls apart because it’s so heavy,” said Polito, who hand tosses the Monster himself.

In the interest of science and gluttony, The Scene recently tried to organize several teams to take the Monster Pizza challenge, with one team from the Post Road Pub and another with a Scene employee who is one of only three people to down a four-pound burger in an hour at a local establishment (it helped that he couldn’t afford to pay for the burger, so had to complete the challenge).

But when the day came – March 1 – the people who we thought might participate came to their senses and we were left without any competitive eaters. After a few phone calls, we came up with 26-year-old Matt Meier, who builds hospital beds at Joerns Healthcare.

“I eat a lot and I love pizza,” Matt said before the contest.

“If I plan a meal, I count him as two. He can eat,” said Matt’s girlfriend, Miranda Roan.

The Monster was already in the oven when our second contestant walked on with his posse, 16-year-old SPASH student Chuck Helminiak.

“I’m mostly a big ice cream eater,” Chuck said. “I can really munch on ice cream.”

The two eaters sat down at the reserved picnic table with timers on either side. Polito set the timers to an hour and the eating began.

“Good pizza, Matt said while gnawing on his first piece. Chuck gave a thumbs up.

With Zen-like determination, Matt set into a steady pace, staring off into a middle distance as he diligently chewed. Chuck started picking off cheese and meat, building a pile on the side that would also have to be devoured to win the bucks.

A steady stream of customers filed into the open, friendly environment and marveled at the size of the pizza before our two contestants, who were so focused on the task that they seemed not to notice the growing crowd of rubberneckers.

Normally, Kevin Polito said he would have been flashing the $500 cash that eaters are competing for, but on this busy Saturday afternoon, he is short two people behind the counter, so the 500 smackers doesn’t make its inspiring appearance.

“Feeling pretty good,” Matt said 10 minutes into the eating, and several slices ahead of Chuck. Chuck gave another thumbs up, this one much greasier than the first.

Twenty-one minutes in and Matt had gotten through a quarter of the Monster. Chuck had slowed down considerably, and his pile of picked-off toppings was beginning to look like a lost cause.

“It’s starting to get a little rough,” Matt said.

“Think of the money,” a male spectator says. “Think of all the things you can buy with $250 each.”

“More pizza,” a wiseguy pipes in.

At almost exactly the halfway point, an old timer with a cane walks behind Matt and says, “When I was younger I could have eaten it myself.” Matt smiles through a bite of pizza.

Things begin to look grim as the time wears down. Matt is chewing longer while Chuck’s pile of discards is starting to look like the tower of muck Richard Dreyfus built in his living in “Close Encounters of the Third Kind.”

“Not a lot of room left,” Matt said with 17 minutes left.

Three minutes later, Matt throws in the towel.

“I’m done. If I have any more I’m going to hurl,” he said.

“That’s a huge pizza,” Chuck said.

“It started out pretty good, but it’s a lot of chewing,” Matt said. “I feel a little rough.”

Matt ate more than a quarter of his side – probably about three pounds or a little more of pizza. It was hard to tell how much Chuck finished, but including his scrap heap, there must have been more than seven pounds of pizza left. Matt boxed up at least a pounds worth and Chuck’s posse descended on what was left.

And on the day when a team does finish the Monster in an hour? How’s Polito going to feel handing out 500 bucks?

“I actually want someone to win,” he said. “We pay cash on the spot and I usually flash it around in front of the contestants while they are eating.”

The Monster Pizza costs $50 and can be purchased without taking the challenge. It will feed a crowd. If you are feeling up to the challenge, there’s a list of rules on the website, www.politospizza.com. Call ahead for reservations, 715-341-9980. Vegetarians who want to take the challenge should also call ahead to make arrangements.